I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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