Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
