Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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