Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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