even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My vagina is very pro this idea
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize