I must be too annoying 4 u.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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