Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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