i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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