I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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