made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
