I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
