I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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