I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize