Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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