i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
