i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
