Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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