I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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