and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
