I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
