You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
