Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
