Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
