Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
