I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
