the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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