My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
