I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize