im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
