did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
