she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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