I will die if light touches me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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