so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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