I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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