so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
