are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
