sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
