1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
