I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
