so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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