mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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