turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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