It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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