Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize