Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
