in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
