I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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