the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
