how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
