he wants to bone in the snuggie
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
