Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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