have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
