Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
