Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
