Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's intense
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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