i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
