I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
