Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
