am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize