If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
