These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
