Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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