The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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