i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
