i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
