took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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