i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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