Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
