I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize