dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
