A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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