her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if only i could text you this smell
Do vagina's smell?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
