All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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