He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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