that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
