bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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