You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
