She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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