Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
