I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
