whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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