Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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