Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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