I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
