i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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