Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
