i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
