i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
