Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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