It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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