We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
