Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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