ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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