One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
