i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
