I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
