Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Who died my cat blue again?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
